30 Day Ficlit Challenge: Day 3/30 – Don’t Say You’re Sorry (Supernatural/Destiel)

Title: Don’t Say You’re Sorry
Rating: PG
Pairing: Dean/Castiel – Supernatural
Warning: Fluff, Feels
Word Count: 1,395
Summary: Dean goes to the psychiatric ward to visit Castiel after finding out that he has woken from his catatonic slumber only to find that he is not the same as he left him.


Dean walked through the dark empty halls of the psychiatric ward looking for the runaway angel. He had mistakenly raised his voice and sent the Angel flying to who knows where. Castiel had changed after correcting the mistake he made with Sam and Lucifer. The devil had tormented Sam into a catatonic state that even Castiel’s powers couldn’t seem to fix. So instead of leaving him that way, Castiel instead took on the burden himself and had gone beyond the deep end. He couldn’t hold a conversation for more than a few sentences. It was like all of the knowledge he had gained from the thousands of years he had been alive was swimming around his head all at once and he just couldn’t keep track of it all.


Dean would never forget the feeling when the body of that demon rolled down the front steps of a strangers home and landed at the feet of Castiel. But he would never be more mistaken then he was in that moment. He didn’t know why he didn’t think of it sooner, he supposed it was simply because he was so happy to see his angel. He was sure that Castiel was gone for good, imploded from the pressure of the Leviathans he had swallowed. There had been no trace of a body, only the trench coat had been left behind in the giant water treatment plant.


Castiel somehow survived, however, he had completely forgotten who he was or what the two of them had gone through together. He started a completely new life with the woman he found him coming out of the water like a born again human. In a few months the two had fallen in love and gotten married and he was spending his life using his angel powers to fly around the world and heal the sick and dying. When Dean drove Castiel to the psychiatric ward he considered not telling Cas’ anything. He loved Castiel so much he was willing to give up. He was willing to have him heal Sam and return to his wife. To be in love, to have children, have a semi-natural life that Dean could never offer him. As much as it hurt to think about, he would have given Castiel back to his wife in an instant and walked out the door never looking back. If it meant that Castiel would be happy.


But happiness just didn’t seem to be in the cards for anyone. The moment he began smiting demons, Castiel’s memory returned to him and he remembered everything that had happened between them. What he had done to Sam and once he discovered that he could not fix it he instead transferred the burden onto himself. Unable to protect him from the dangers while all Castiel could do was stare into the opposite wall in silence. They couldn’t protect them even if they wanted too. So they chose instead to leave him in a psych ward protected by a demon.


There you are.” Dean found Castiel sitting at an empty table in what looked like a recreational room. Easels and art supplies were pushed against the wall unused. Piles of notebooks and board games reached waist height all across the rooms.


Hello Dean.” Castiel smiled sweetly as Dean made his way around the table to sit down opposite him. Castiel was a completely changed man from the angel he had first met. Castiel rarely smiled and it had been years since the last time he had seen it.


Castiel, you know you just broke the Word of God?” Castiel frowned, obviously displeased with his actions. Dean rolled his eyes. “Cas, don’t you remember what you did? You let those things out in the world, you caused all of this, the least you could do is help us all fix this.” Cas bowed his head in shame but made no move to actually say anything helpful. He reached over to a box on the table and looked at it for a moment before showing it to Dean. ‘Sorry!’ was a board game he had never got to play much as a child but then again he never really had much of a childhood at all. He was too busy comforting Mom when Dad went off on his hunting trips or taking care of Sammy after Mom died and Dad was on his constant revenge binges. Castiel shook the box and the board and pieces appeared before them.


Would you like to go first?” Castiel smiled and Dean could feel the ice around his heart melting. “I was thinking of possibly acquiring a cat. The caretakers here took us on a field trip to an animal shelter once and there was this black and white kitten that felt like it would belong with us.” For a moment they were in their own world, a normal world. The two of them were falling in love, playing a board game inside his apartment with wine and having a good time enjoying one another’s company. Castiel wasn’t clinically insane and Dean wasn’t a demon hunter going after the Leviathans. And Dean remembered every time he had lost Castiel.


When Castiel died for him protecting him from Archangels. When Lucifer made him spontaneously combust all over him during the beginning of the apocalypse. When he had to watch Castiel’s vessel return to his human family with loving wife and children waiting for him to return. When Castiel absorbed all of the souls in purgatory and became God so that he could protect Dean from the apocalypse. When the Leviathans ripped him apart from the inside and used his shell to spread across the globe. When he had to watch Castiel hold his new wife in his arms like he had never been happier. When he sacrificed his own sanity to save Sam for Dean. He had watched Castiel die and leave so many times. For a moment, it all was gone, it was simply the two of them. And then it all came crashing back down on him all at once.


Dean?” Castiel watched as Dean buried his face in his hands and his shoulders began to shake slightly and was frozen. Castiel had never seen Dean like this before and was unsure of what to do. The human in his charge was so frozen to physical affection or praise that comfort seemed like a foreign answer to this particular riddle. “Is everything alright?”


No, Cas, it’s not.” Dean looked up as tears welled in his eyes. “I’m tired, Cas, tired of all of this. I understand why the angels just want the apocalypse to happen now. I just want things to be different. I’m so tired, of seeing you die, seeing you leave.” Castiel gingerly reached out and touched the side of Deans face and waited to be shunned or yelled at. Instead, Dean laid a hand on top of his hand and wrapped the other around him forearm and leaned into his touch. “We’ll get a cat, Cas. We’ll do whatever you want, just please, promise me you won’t leave me again. I don’t think I can take anymore.” Castiel stared into those deep brown eyes as tears spilled down his face.


I won’t leave you again, Dean. I promise.” The angel reached across the table to gather his human into an embrace. Dean stiffened for a moment before relaxing and allowing Castiel to hold him as the tears dried on his face and a smile slowly formed on his lips. He had never loved someone as deeply as this angel and through the hurt and the tears his heart still pounded in his ears when Castiel touched him. Castiel moved to release Dean from the hug, assuming that the usually emotionally detached had had enough but he simply gripped him tighter and didn’t give any indication that he was ready to let go. Castiel pushed the forgotten game board from the table and pressed a kiss on his humans lips. All the thoughts in his head suddenly had gone away as every sense was filled with Dean. His taste, his smell, the feel of his hands as they tightened on his shoulders. Everything in the world was gone and Dean was all there was.



~ by ggelaina on November 5, 2012.

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